*DISCLAIMER* This will probably be the most random and long blog post you have ever read. And, being a girl, it jumps from one thought process to another. Hopefully you can endure to the end!
I need your feedback. I realize most of you are like me and don't like to share your thoughts, but if you are willing I would really appreciate your comments on this post. Usually I would ask Jon and Eric to proofread a post like this before putting it up, but today I'm just going for it.
You see, I am not sure what to do...
I don't know what the protocol will be for the end of the race. There are several amazing men that I have met that I would love to go out with again. What is the protocol? Traditionally (and I'm not going to lie, comfortably) speaking, I would sit back and hope they ask me out. However, I am worried that that won't happen. And truthfully, I know I still need to take some responsibility in encouraging those that I really would like to see again. I suppose that is one of the roles of a girl...prodding men in a certain direction. :) I'm just not sure how to do it.
You see, I am worried that my dates still feel like a number. In fact, some men have told me they won't go out with me because they refuse to be a number. I suppose can understand that, I assign them a number at the end of every date and post a synopsis for the world to read. Then I likely don't talk to them because I'm too busy going on more dates. However, if they are just a number, I have failed. I have already lost the race. I know for a fact that there is no way to make some of these men realize that I would not date them just to win a competition--they just don't know me well enough. How could they? We've been out once. But the fact of the matter is I have gone out with some great men this month. But if that's it? If I go out with these men in January just so I can win a competition, I might as well have not participated.
This month has been emotionally and physically taxing. It has thrown off my sleep schedule, my eating and workout regime, my work schedule, my stress level (sorry to those of you who had to see that!) and my social life...pretty much every aspect of my life. I mentioned previously I have been stood up, cancelled on, avoided and ignored. I'll admit that when any of these things happen I have a REALLY hard time calling them again--in most cases I just chicken out and don't do it. It's not worth "the number" to me. But you know what? I think maybe all of this is just what I needed. Sometimes I think it's good to uproot everything you are comfortable with and see what happens. Then you can take aspects from your "new" life and integrate them into the tried and true.
I'm not gonna lie, I am excited to have friends again in February. When you have a significant other you lose your friends because you are spending all of your time with one person...but you are growing closer to that person. When you do a dating race you lose your friends because you are spending all of your time with a lot of different people, and not growing particularly close to any of them. Needless to say, it will be good to have some "girl time" again.
I realize the tone of this post is a bit depressing. Don't get me wrong, even if i never see any of these men again I'm glad I did it. In most ways I feel like not matter what the count is in the end, I have won. I have had some great experiences that I would not have had otherwise. If I never saw any of these men again (which won't be the case, just saying), they have given me something great by allowing me the opportunity to learn from them.
I will admit, I have no tricks up my sleeve for the last week of the race. I'll be happy if I make it through the week without having a mental breakdown. :) Truthfully, I am running out of steam--it is HARD to ask people out. Men, I commend you. You have it rough. It is HARD to be happy and excited and first-date material all the time...but I have learned so much and don't regret my decision to be in this race.
Thank you to all of you for reading our blog this month. I love the conversations I have had with so many people face-to-face about my participation in this competition. I love that you are so involved, rooting for me, finding me dates, and supporting me even if you don't fully agree with the competition.
And thank you again to everyone I have been out with this month--both on and off the record. You all have so much to offer, remember that.
I am fully mentally prepared to be beat by Jon (sorry Eric, you're not a threat...), but I am going to go out yelling at the top of my lungs, "CARPE DIEM!" For I have truly seized the day.
8 comments:
That was a very introspective piece of work right there. Bravo for letting it all hang out. You certainly didn't make me feel like a number, but I knew you were engaged and actually looking to get to know me a little better. I'll be looking for some follow-up with you, and I wish you well to finish off. You are a wonderful woman.
I loved the beginning of this post--very honest! I always struggle with knowing which guys like to be asked out and which ones would prefer to be the initiator of the relationship. If you figure out how to tell, fill me in! I love the attitude all 3 of you have toward the "competition".. which is really just a way to jump-start goals, in my opinion.
Very well written! I would like to say that any of these guys that thinks of themselves as just a number is not worth the time of day! What a great experiance you are having in meeting so many new people! I hope hope that they all realize how lucky they were to be part of this growing experiance for you! For it take a lot of courage for anyone (especially a girl) to do what you have done. You're a great example! :D
Just think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed- I personally would struggle with the "just a number" feeling. Heck, I felt that way when I found out the guy I was dating was seeing just one other girl! But, when you get that call asking for another date, it still feels great, am I right? Especially if the person can honestly admit that they think you stand above the crowd. So my advice, go ahead and give that special guy a call-- if he was so into the number feeling that he can't go on a 2nd date, he'll probably make that clear. Yes, the possible rejection will stink. Yes, it could really hurt. And yes you might want to become a hermit and never make a phone call again. Or, he could have been waiting and hoping you'd call and already have your 2nd date planned. Don't you think it's worth the risk?
I think you could be fine going either way as far as asking guys out on second dates or just hinting that you'd like to go out again. I wouldn't ask any of them on more than 2, though, unless they start asking you out as well.
And as far as the competition goes, I'm like you. I have no tricks up my sleeve. Who knows who the winner will be...
Sing it, Sista!!! I MISS YOU!!!! I was overjoyed to see you last night, and knowing I have your book makes me feel like I have part of you with me. Only 5 more days!!!! Oh, and remember how we are going on vacation together in March? Oh yeah!
Hey, I just wanted to say I respect you SO much for doing this challenge. Asking guys out is seriously one of the scariest things to me. You rock. I look forward to being your friend. And if you need some girl time at the end of all this, I'm down. Slumber parties are my favorite. :-)
Can I say how much I admire your tenacity through all this? When you have a goal you have the ambition to accomplish and to accomplish it right not just win. I'm just so happy that you're learning from such a trying ordeal! I couldn't do it, let alone while going through a Lasik surgery!!!!
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